The Ice Palace

This week we have started reading the Ice palace as part of our writing. We have had to make the first two paragraphs of the story up using the first sentence without hearing any part of the book except for the first sentence. This is the first sentence: "Turn your face to the east wind, and if you could see forever you would see Ivan's land. It is a land where..."  Here are my first two paragraphs...

Turn your face into the east wind, and if you could see forever you would see Ivan’s land. It is a land where... the good meets the bad, the light meets the darkness, the dogs meet the wolves, the trees become a thick never ending forest with a blanket of snow above. It is a mistake, It used to be fun, winding in and out of the forest trees, now it has been ruined since the ruler called Ivan came. He made it the land of the bad, named Ivan’s land. It now fills the villagers hearts with ice to hear or speak his name, and I am ashamed, ashamed to have let my own brother take kindness from the village. We all want to save the village, by coming to his front door and taking it all back. But we can’t do that because he has wolves that rip flesh from people and take heros from the village. The village has become dark since he left, he was a good person. It all started 4 months ago when he turned 18, the day the boy he was became a man. In our village we have a ritual, for all the kids becoming adults have to do to find out if they are good or bad. Everyone in the village was here in the middle of Ivan’s land before it was his. He carefully placed his hand on the rock then it suddenly shone a bright gold, meaning that he was good, but then it flickered and the gold turned black.

Suddenly Ferocious Wolves appeared on the edges of the clearing when the rock suddenly spoke:
“EVERYONE MUST LEAVE THIS FOREST IT IS NOW Ivan's Land!” Everyone was shocked but they till was watching the rock. Suddenly the leader of the wolf pack with his pitch black fur shining out from the snow shot out of the trees surrounding the clearing, like a leopard he agilely leaped like a cat onto the rock, on top of the rock, the wolf stood and watched. Suddenly he
howled and like a flash the rest of the wolves blurred as they ran out of the trees and ripped us from the forest. When we were out of the forest we had to start the long trek back home.
I hear kids screaming, I see people hiding, I taste the cold bitter air, I smell the sadness and
I feel the evil. I have always been told that I have a gift, for helping and finding the good in everything. But I don’t think I do because I can’t think of anything good about this. I now have
a job so then my family and I can afford to look after us. Its now only my mum, dad, younger
sister and I. My little sister looks just like Ivan and my father with her dark brown hair, pale skin
, and brown eyes. But my mum and I are different we have icy blonde hair, sea blue eyes but we
still have pale skin just like everyone else in the village. No one here now has dark skin unless they
came from far away but they leave after a while. My family is the family that holds everyone up
and gives them hope and resources but now we are just like everyone else, afraid, of him. I want tohelp in whatever way I can, but it’s difficult when your brother was the best warrior and the most skilled hunter. Now I have to save the village from the ice and snow, I want to help them not
be afraid.

That was my first two paragraphs, I hope you liked them. Now, this is the front cover for the Ice palace...

Please give me some feedback on this blog post, because I will really appreciate it and I will reply to the comments and improve my writing to what you say I should improve.