The 3 Writing Samples - Blue, Purple and Pink

Hi!

For a couple of weeks, starting some time last week, 

we have been doing work in description.

Since I don't want to make you read the whole doc 

I will show you some parts of the things we have been doing.

This work is one of the first things we did.

All we had to do is read each writing sample and we had to answer...

What are your thoughts on these three writing samples?

What are the strengths?

What could be improved?

There are three writing samples that we had to read.

Here is the first one...

Sample 1

My bedroom is at the end of the hallway. 

When you walk into my room it is a big open space with cream/white coloured walls. 

I have a window seat looking out onto the street where I love to sit and read. 

It’s decorated with pillows and a big blanket. 

I have a queen size bed also decorated with pillows and blankets. 

My bedroom has a desk to do homework, a dresser for my clothes, a bookshelf and a nightstand beside my bed. 

Aside from the furniture in my room, I have two comfy areas where I just relax. 

Here is my thoughts about this writing sample...

I think that the blue piece of writing is factual but not descriptive.

It has lots of 'I have' so they could include different sentence starters.

That was sample one and my thoughts.

Now here is the second one.

Sample 2

My bedroom is a four-walled space, painted blue/turquoise on the bottom and grey on the top with a white trim in the middle dividing the two colors.

In one of the corners of my room is my queen size bed with grey sheets and a white comforter that has dots of blue/turquoise and coral on it.

Right in front of my bed is a white dresser with a TV on it.

In the corner diagonal from my bed is a grey chair.

On the wall to the right of the chair is my closet, then my mirror is in the last corner.

Beside the mirror is a white door with a silver handle.

The last thing in my room is a small dresser beside my bed.

Here are my thoughts about this writing sample...

I think that the purple piece of writing is a bit more descriptive but it isn’t that interesting throughout the writing just in parts.

So to improve it they could have description throughout the writing.

That was sample 2 and my thoughts.

Now last but not least.

Sample 3

My bedroom is a safety net with swirling colors hugging the walls.

In one of the corners of my room my queen size bed sits, waiting for the weight of my body at the end of the day.

Right in front of my bed is a delicate white dresser that holds all my secrets.

Diagonal from the bed standing to attention is my chair.

On the wall to the right of the chair is the object that stares back at me looking for my successes and my failures.

Beside it is a curved, small, snow colored door with a sparkling silver handle.

This is my sanctuary. This is my haven. This is my safe place.

Now here are my thoughts on this writing sample...

I think that the pink piece of writing is very descriptive and explains what her room is to her.

It uses repetition in the last 3 sentences stating a point.

Those were all the writing samples and my thoughts.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my work.

Feel free to comment what writing sample is your favorite.

The pink writing sample was my favorite.

Did you notice how the samples improved?

Bye!